2008 Presidental Election

About a year ago today, Nero took his second oath of office as President of the United States of America. What that really means is that we are now officially 25% of the way though Bush’s second term (Yay!) and he’ll be a lame duck in about a years time as it is anyway. (Btw, I’m not sure any President has had a worst first year of a term… maybe Hoover).

So in honor of the fact that three years from today we should have a new President I’m going to have some fun with it (I say should because Dick Chaney is the Vice President and I think we can all agree that Chaney is an evil, evil man)!!! Isn’t that fun? I basically made a list of people who want to run, are going to run, or I want them to run for President and dived them into three camps: People I’d vote for, People I might vote for depending on how things go, and People that would never vote for or move to London or something (btw, has anyone done a story on all those rich lefties from the City and Cali moving to London? How is that going for them? Did they actually move? And if so where do they live in London? Or did they go to Paris or Toronto or Vancouver instead?)

Okay, let’s do this.
People that I would never vote for and if for some reason the GOP and Dems picked these people to face off against each other I would end up moving to Europe or somewhere else cool instead…
* George Allen – Sen of Virginia - He’s my senator too, but please, what does this guy have to offer?
* Mike Huckabee - Governor of Arkansas… the only way this guy could ever be redeeming is if he turned out to be the GOP Bill Clinton, in other words he was a closest Democrat on a GOP ticket. I’ll tell you one thing he and Bill have in common though… they both like the fast food; though Huckabee just lost like 50 pounds so maybe he cut it out of his diet. (You know what on second thought, I’m moving to the maybes just because I’d love to write Mike HEARTS Huckabees for four years).
* Mitt Romney – Not only does he have a stupid name, he’s a GOPer from Massachusetts so his odds of getting the nod are about as likely as the Cubs winning a World Series).
* Rudy Giuliani – Please, seriously, please don’t run Rudy. The guy would create a Rudy Giuliani TV channel just so he could be on TV all the time. While I think we can all agree that he was fantastic during and after 9/11, he’s also a camera whore and I’ll never be able to get beyond that.
* Hillary Clinton – Does anyone ever like her at this point? She’s hated on the right for no reason, and now the left hates her guts because she’s further to the right than her husband.
* Jeb Bush – The only think worse for this country than a Dick Chaney Dictatorship would be a Jeb Bush vs Hilary Clinton election. This would be the final straw for the US Constitution and me. I’m not kidding, if this were to happen, I’d find a way to gank the Constitution and take it to some place like, oh Argentina or Brazil, and say “Here guys, this should work like butter for a good 250 years.” And we’d all be happy and I’d have five beautiful women on each arm and then credits would role.
* Bill Frist – Senator from Virginia and Senate Majority Leader… talk about a flip flopper, Frist makes Kerry seem like a pair of Dutch wooden shoes. He took some outrageous stances when he first got the job as Majority Leader, and even though he’s backed down a bit, he pretty much came across like the prick that he probably is.
* Condoleezza Rice – Secretary of State… When Nero nabbed her as Secretary of State, I had my doubts, but Condi has out preformed herself, so kudos to here there. But President? Please. Would anyone be able to take her that seriously? While her Jesuit education gives her points in my book (and probably the reason she’s not an utter disaster), I just can’t see her being anything other than a mat to walk all over.
* John Kerry – It’s a shame that politics isn’t more like sports sometimes. Just imagine if there was General Manager of each party and they sort of managed everything. Can you imagine how a Kerry and GM of the Dems meeting would go? How horrified would the GM of the Dems be? What would he do to stop him from running? Would the GM of the Dems start running those Swift Boat adds again?
* Al Gore – I think Gore is going to run. I’m serious. I really think he’s going to run, and he’s going to start off all loose and ready for the fight but less wooden. But he won’t have enough support and he’ll lose it and some debate or event. He’ll be up there at the podium looking out at a crowd of fifteen people and just say “F#*@ it. Serious people, I should be RETIRING right now. I shouldn’t be running for President. But that twit from Texas, who isn’t even from Texas, had to get his brother to throw some votes to the bottom of the Everglades, and now look at me! LOOK AT ME! I’M STANDING IN FRONT OF 13 PEOPLE IN PEORIA, ILLINOIS! SCREW THIS!!” I feel for Al Gore sometimes. I look at him and say; man it must really suck to be you. You were ( close to being President. Instead you had to sit around for and watch Nero attempt to run the world into the ground. What a bummer. We should be happy that Gore hasn’t become a junkie to be honest. Hell, we should all be happy Gore didn’t blow his brains out.
* Evan Bayh – Sen. from Indiana… Hey look, it’s a privileged white male from Indiana whose dad was an actual Senator and watched his son ride his coat tails. It would never work. No way. Please, a dumbass as President and whose father was a pretty powerful man. It could never happen in this country.

People who I can stand, enjoy watching on TV, and even if everything worked out for them I could maybe vote for:
* Joe Biden – Senator from Delaware… I like Joe. I really do. He’s charismatic. He seems interesting and the kind of guy that may have shot gunned a beer in the last year. Plus he’s Catholic (got to root for the home team) and always has something to say. Plus he’s been running for President since May of 2004, he didn’t even wait for Kerry to lose. He started up the machine just in case and I admire that ambition.
* John Edwards – Who knows what Edwards is doing right now, to be honest I haven’t read a ton on him since he and Kerry lost. But the little I have seen and read it appears that he’s lay low, building a message, and getting ready to set out an actual Democratic agenda. We’ll have to wait and see though. This is John Edwards who we’re talking about, the same John Edwards that disappeared from August 2004 until election night.
* Mark Warner – Former Gov. from Virginia… Not to be shallow, but I don’t Warner has the look at the end of the day. But he’s an intriguing candidate if nothing else. He seems like too cute of a choice though for the Democrats.
* Wesley Clark – With a little polish and a better message, Clark could do this.
* Bill Richardson – Governor from New Mexico… I’m starting to get sick of him… plus any guy that lies about playing minor league baseball loses points in my book.
* John McCain – In the end, he’s probably a much better Senator than President. He’s too hawish and I wish he’d turn down an interview request once in a while. Seriously, I’m sure if you really wanted you could call McCain’s office and say “I’m so and so from NBC…” and he’d agree to meet you and do an interview. Plus he’s like 72 and it looks like you could peel his skin off.

Okay, now, if the election was held tomorrow, and I could vote for anyone…
1) Russ Feingold – Senator from Wisconsin… He was the only person to vote against the Patriot Act. That’s big points in my book. Plus he’s not a lame ass and has done a decent job trying to fill Wellstone’s shoes a little bit (and yes I know they were both in the Senate together). He’s a ‘Sconie which is always cool and he stands for something. The left.
2) Chuck Hagel – Senator from Nebraska… whenever I see or hear Chuck Hagel, I always agree with him. I always find myself saying, this might be the only guy in DC to actually have a brain. He doesn’t take a party line position, he takes a rational position (like Feingold), he’s done his home work, he looks back at his own experiences and this countries, and sure he’s conservative, but I’d rather have a guy who’s a bit conservative and does the right thing than these morons that toe the party line and listen to every poll ever created. And before anyone says “That’s George Bush!”… George Bush does the wrong thing. Sure he ‘sticks to his guns’ the only problem is that Bush’s guns are usually completely wrong and totally off. So there. And back to Hagel, he once hit on an ex-girlfriend, so if he’s elected that’s four years of pick up lines and stories right there.
3) Barack Obama – Senator from Illinois… he still needs to pay his dues, but he’s off to a great start. He stands up and says something every once in a while, he’s got ideas, it appears that he works, and while it’s only been a year it was a good rookie year. He’s probably looking at 2012 to run, but I still like him.

So there you go. That’s the list. This is all subject to change since we’ve got something like 34 months until Election Day… but I can’t wait. Seriously, I can’t wait. If nothing else, Bush will be gone, right?


Denis said...

Other than being human males, Nero and Bush share nothing in common. Comparing them reveals your ignorance of both Roman History and contemporary US politics (hint: Nero and Oath of Office shouldn't be in the same sentence).

While I'm here: How can a "worst first year of a term" include having two excellent Supreme Court Justices appointed, an elected government in Iraq (read that one slowly, it is extremely impressive) and an economy with only a .9% unemployment rate above the natural level?

Jai said...

Hey Denis (hope you typed the first letter right). Set down your glass of koolade and look at the photo of Bush strummin' his guit-tar with Katrina mere hours from landfall. Must have left "My Pet Goat" back in the van.

Oh yeah, there are marked similarities. Except maybe Nero cared more for the welfare of his people. And for sure his troops.

Wes Clark is the man. Not to worry--he's got the polish and the message. Burning up Texas today, stumping for Bob Gammage. And will be giving the definitive "Real State of the Union" address on Jan 30th for Steve Clemons' New America Foundation--don't miss that one.

Now if Clark can just scrape up the cash and hire the staff, we'll have us a horserace.

I like Feingold too, by the way. But I don't think a twice divorced and still single Jew (and I say that as a card-carryin' MOTT) has much chance of picking up any red states.

Clark/Feingold might just be the winning combination. Two men who are never afraid to tell us the truths we need to hear.

Smartest Jones said...

Hey Jai - I think it was actually you who spelled your name wrong. Throw in a "G" as in Geoff and a Greek "i" (which is a "y" - I thought I would help you out since you clearly know nothing of classical languages or history) and you would be more aptly named.

And your post shows exactly why the Democrats have lost complete touch with reality. Your #1 ticket pairs a former Republican military man with no message, no money and no inspiration (other than the blind pursuit of power) with a man whose agenda is to expand federal powers at a time when polls clearly show that the electorate is disgusted with the size of government and budget deficits.

Denis said...

I would hate to let facts get in the way of your brilliant response (Clark/Feingold '08 is comical--they may be the first two out of the primary--and playing with the first letter of my name is sophomoric).

Still, I am an educator at heart. Nero, of course, did not play an instrument while Rome burned. The closest thing to a "fiddle" didn't exist until roughly 1,000 years after the fire.

Your other vague, empty comparisons also lack any factual basis. For facts, google this: USATODAY.com - Troops in survey back Bush 4-to-1 over Kerry.

Enjoy Clark's really-real State of the Union.

The Truth said...

Speaking of spelling, is there a reason VFLOAB continues to spell Cheney with an A? Last I checked, Don Chaney isn't the Vice President.

Jai, I want you to explain something to me. Bill Clinton was loved by all, was a great steward of the economy and was a brilliant political mind, yet lost both houses of congress for the first time in 40 years and was replaced by a Republican. Bush is an idiot who lied us into a war and hates the American people, yet managed to extend the majority in both houses of congress and got re-elected with the first popular majority since 1988. How is this possible?

Keep nominating arrogant jack-offs like Gore, Kerry, Clark and Hillary. It's really working. You really have a finger on the pulse of the electorate.