Also, we support the US National Anthem being sung in Spanish… read about it here… why not? Who cares? It’s the friggin’ National Anthem, it’s not like it’s a good national anthem. In 1999 did anyone really care about the National Anthem besides giving it some lip service? And then after 9/11 and the ‘patriotism’ that arose we saw people suddenly taking the National Anthem serious again (we also recognize there were people who always did take it serious, but you catch my drift). It’s the US National Anthem… not the flag, not baseball, not apple pie, just a few words that F. S. Key set to the tune of a BRITISH song… that’s right the tune isn’t even American… it’s British. So much for that, eh?
Okay the NFL Draft… we love the NFL Draft. It’s always on some lazy late April weekend, TV heads and NFL GMs take themselves way too seriously and treat it like it’s the Congress of Vienna, and it gives us the one and only Mel Kiper, Jr. And the other great thing about the NFL draft is that people read WAY too into it forgetting that pretty much every team drafts players that they could use. So when we poured though those mock drafts, we were left scratching our heads most of the time. I know it seems like everyone and their mother has a Mock NFL draft, some are good, some are clueless, and others are so lame that we shouldn’t even link them.
(btw, the fact that Easterbrook got his column back on ESPN.com just goes to show that even a babbling say nothing can make it in this world (I HAVE HOPE); what’s really funny is that when I was looking for Easterbrook’s say nothing, I came across Skip Bayless who not only hates black people, but also is so Friggin’ stupid that there is no logical explanation to why he has a job. How this man has a job is beyond me; his ‘Devils Advocate’ columns are incredibly lame and everything else is Skip saying nothing… he’s the worst sports writer out there and he’s never said anything even somewhat intelligent. Just take this piece of absolute hack crap ‘journalism’. Jay Marroitti is probably suing Bayless as we speak for plagiarism purposes… AND speaking of plagiarism, are we at the point where if I just copy and paste a John Irving novel say I went to Yale and handed it to a publisher that I’d become a millionaire and then three years later be ‘found out’? And would it be worth it?)
Anyway, we should just get to our ‘mock’ draft… remember we did it last year! We were five for five at least… almost six for six. Almost. Then the Vikings ruined everything and the Lions really screwed everything up. OKAY…
- Houston Texans – Reggie Bush – I don’t care if he can’t run between the tackles, Reggie Bush is just so amazing, seriously… I love this man. Watching him at USC was like watching a cat toy with a mouse, or Superman fight crime, or Bill Clinton address a group of undecided voters. It just wasn’t fair. And I’m not going to say anything new or exciting on him, so just enjoy him. Let’s all enjoy the Reggie Bush Era and just be ready for whatever he’s going to do next. Seriously, we could see one of the All-Time Greats when it’s all said in done. Enough said.
- New Orleans Saints – D’Brickashaw Ferguson – This is where the draft starts to drive me nuts. Everyone has the Saints taking Mario Williams, and that makes sense expect… the Saints have two good young D-Ends!?!?! This draft is so insane right now that anyone could go any where… for all I know this is where Leinart ends up also. It appears that D’Brickashaw would be the pick here since the Saints could use an offensive tackle. But everyone loves Williams… but the Saints have to young ends (even though Charles Grant had a bad year last year). So even though we know this will KILL our mock draft since the Saints will probably take Williams, we say they take D’Brickashaw.
- Tennessee Titans – Matt Leinart – We know, word on the street says that they’ll take Vince Young. But I’m not convinced that’s the truth. This is just a ‘gut’ feeling.
- New Jersey Jets – We don’t even know what the Jets will do at this point. We had them taking D’Brickashaw in our mock draft, so now that we’ve got D’Brickashaw going #2… we’re a little confused ourselves. Why did we do that? Okay, Jets take Mario Williams because they could use a D-End more than a linebacker and they’re too stupid to take Vince Young. The Jets are one of the worst run franchises in the NFL but they seem to be able to get away with not being very well run. Sort of weird.
- Green Bay Packers – A.J. Hawk – After completely botching the draft last year, the Packers need something, anything from this year’s draft. They’ll get some guys back from injury, they’ll be able to move the ball, and they could plug in a few guys on D and be decent next year. Oh wait, Favre is coming back. They’ll be lucky to win six. But they need help on D. Hawk is it.
- San Francisco 49ers – Vernon Davis – Hey look! It’s the pick that everyone and their mother has! Davis to the 49ers! Fear the Turtle! BTW, don’t you think the 49ers could return Alex Smith for Vince Young right now? We think so too.
- Oakland Raiders – Vince Young – Vince Young on the Raiders has endless possibilities… seriously he could become the greatest QB of all time or be a total flop. I like Young; he’s a great player and won the National Title by himself last year and that alone says a lot. But we’re worried. We’ve all seen what the NFL has done to Michael Vick, basically locking him in the pocket and throwing a way the key for some unknown reason. Hopefully the Raiders realize they should let Vince be Vince and let him win football games. Only in the NFL, the system is more important than the win. That’s why we hate the NFL because it’s all about the system, not the team or the players or the win… it’s about the system. Hopefully the Raiders won’t keep Young locked in a pocket in some West Coast Offense hybrid… hopefully they’ll let him play football and completely confuse the other team and win games. Seriously don’t you think a creative offense that’s different and somewhat unpredictable would dominate the structured, we counter every move that you make, near war like strategy that takes place on defense? Why is the NFL so uncreative?
- Buffalo Bills – Brodrick Bunkley – This was one of the worst teams in the NFL against the run last year. They’re taking Bunkley even if he’s from Florida. (that’s right we read one ‘report’ saying the Bills may pass on Bunkely because he’s from Florida and they’re worried about how he’ll adjust to the weather. WE ARE NOT MAKING THIS UP; and you were wondering why I compared the NFL draft to the Congress of Vienna… this is why).
- Detroit Lions – We’re all hoping its Chad Jackson just so we could see the Lions take a wide out in the top ten for the fourth year in a row. Gosh this would be the greatest moment of our life… you don’t realize how badly I want to see this. But it’ll be Mike Huff or whatever his name is… I guess its Michael Huff, that’s good Mike Huff was a little too close to Mike Hunt for our liking.
- Arizona Cardinals – Winston Justice – Again another pick that can go a few different directions. The Cards could use a quarter back, so is there where Cutler lands? Their D-line isn’t in the greatest shape… so Ngata or Wimbley? But we say they go with Justice just to piss off Andy Reid in case he reads this blog.
- St. Louis Rams – Jay Cutler – Just seems like the right place for him to go. I have no opinion on him, even though Skip Bayless claims he’s seen him play SIXTEEN times in the last two years! We’re calling bullshit on that one.
- Cleveland Browns – Kamerion Wimbley – Seriously does anyone care about the New Browns? It’s been seven years or something, and they’ve been totally boring and completely uninteresting. Maybe it was better they didn’t have a team.
- Baltimore Ravens – Haloti Ngata – Ray Lewis’ swan song draft pick. Ravens are one of those teams that aren’t that bad btw.
- Philadelphia Eagles – Ernie Simms – They should take a receiver but they won’t. I don’t think they want to take Simms, but he should help them. BTW, can you tell we’re running on steam? One quick thing on the Eagles… I think we’re a 7-9 season away from Andy Reid being fired. The guy has made some really, really bad decisions in the last few years, either being too aggressive (the Monday Night Game vs Dallas) or too conservative (any NFC Championship game)… he hasn’t had a good draft since 2002, and has seemed to forgotten how to coach. I’m not sure why I just wrote all that, but I did.
- Denver Broncos – Chad Jackson – Seems like it makes sense. Has it been said that the Broncos are one of the more underrated franchises in the NFL? They just seem to get overlooked. They always are pretty good and always seem to have good drafts and plenty of options during the off-season. I sort of wish I rooted for them.
- Miami Dolphins – Jason Allen – We figure between his ability to play safety and cornerback with the fact that he’s an SEC guy has Nick Saban taking him. Dolphins are pretty good aren’t they?
- Minnesota Vikings – Laurence Maroney – Viking reach a bit for a guy who played his college games in the HHH Dome… that’s right the Gopher himself, Maroney. Running back makes sense since well, they could use a running back with Bennett leaving and all. I guess they could take DeAngelo Williams but I’ll be honest… I don’t care any more.
Okay that’s all we got… this took all the life we had in use and zapped it up… on the plus side we finally downloaded firefox. You should too. And of course, we’ll miss you Mr. Tony. Come back soon and be claaaahsic on Monday Night Football.
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