Random Thoughts And Chuck Hagel

Today we’re not going to spend the day writing something long and maybe interesting… so random thoughts it is:

- If I made music it would sound like pretty much every Belle & Sebastian song ever written. And I’d still be pissed because it wouldn’t be as good as pretty much anything by Jeff Tweedy.

- I swear I’m not worried about the US National team… who cares that we’re less than 100 days from the World Cup and the US just got thrashed by Germany 4-1 in Germany, it just makes me happy that we’re ranked 5th in the world. And we were missing Landon Donovan, Brian McBride, Claudio Reyna, DaMarcus Beasley, Oguchi Onyewu and Eddie Lewis yesterday. That’s like all our good players. Well four of ‘em.

- The coffee in our office is so bad, that sometimes I think I’m drinking Old Forster and coffee but I’m not going to feel good when I’m done. I’m not kidding about this by the way, our coffee really does taste like there is too much rail whiskey in it.

- Now that ETA has decided to declare a permanent cease fire (btw, what the hell is a permanent cease fire? Isn’t that called peace?), I’ve got 2048 for when Hamas disarms and 2013 for Iraqi insurgents in the office pool (and for the record, I had 2009 for ETA disarming).

- This has been bothering me for a long time, but why do they even mark the field, in girls Lacrosse? There is no out of bounce, so why mark the field at all? I can'tget over this. I think the game should have no time also, really just be a metaphysical exercise of some way. That would be cool; girls lax could become the great metaphysical exercise ever. Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas would be so proud.

- What? The ‘Nats’ will be the third highest revenue team after their stadium is built? Can they do that? Only the Yanks and Red Sox will make more? How did that happen? What about the Cubs or Giants? This seems wrong… just wrong.

- And I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again… The Washington Nationals or Nats is the second dumbest name in sports after the Houston Texans. Seriously, if I was picking a name for a team, Nationals would be my 836th choice right before the Washington Hivss and after DC Murders.

- Note to all American Idol lovers, no offense, but please just go to your local Holiday Inn and hang out in the lounge for a few hours instead of allowing this horrible show of no talent ass clowns to continue. That’s right, these people on Idol are no better than your average lounge singer. Poor Billy Murray.

- What will never stop amazing me about DC is the number of men who have great hair. It’s simply amazing… pretty much anyone with any sort of importance or status has great hair. But at the same time, there may be three women between the ages of 22 and 60 with good hair. So every guy has great hair and every woman has bad hair… I’m shocked the Post doesn’t write annual articles about this phenomenon.

- Let’s face it; a good 10% of this country is just waiting until the Gonzaga/UCLA game tonight. Though, the Bradley game should be interesting.

- Since you were all asking… biggest dogs so far in the Tourney… a toss up between Iowa, Senton Hall, and Nevada. Iowa lost to a really bad team in Northwestern St. I would have loved to put Tennessee on that list yet I can’t fault them for being seeded too high. So Senton Hall gets the nod for looking beyond bad against Wichita State and proving my point that they shouldn’t even had made the Dance over Cinny. And finally Nevada because I though the committee did them a favor by putting them as a five and then they pissed it away.

- That’s it… seriously I should just give up. Harold’s is opening up a store in Wicker Park? We need to get Daley on this pronto… this should not be allowed. I’m dead serious. Harold’s is a South Side institution. It shouldn’t be easy to get. It’s the hippest restaurant in Chicago because you had to have it to go there… now they’re opening one in Wicker Park and it kills me. God Damn Capitalism. Best chicken in the world, btw. Oh Harold’s is so fie…

- From the Fiver: Though we don't remember printing his letter, Alessandro Del Pieroseems to have got his hands on a copy of the Alexei Lalas-inspired Soccer for Dummies. At least we're assuming that's why he's decided that: "When I leave Juventus I don't see myself playing with Fiorentina or Sampdoria - I see myself with Los Angeles Galaxy".

- Getting excited for this year baseball season is really hard. There is something really bittersweet about your team finally winning.

- One of the many things I miss about Chicago is being able to pick up the Onion at pretty much any cool coffee shop or restaurant. The Onion online just isn’t the same. 'WELL SOMEONE'S GOTTA PLAY OBOE,' SCREAMS FRUSTRATED BAND TEACHER just isn’t as funny online. I’m not sure why.

- Finding someone who is a fantastic sleep partner is like when you finally gave in and got the cell phone or iPod. ‘know what I mean? Maybe you held out from getting the mobile or iPod for ‘moral’ or ‘ethical’ or ‘trendy’ reasons, but then the moment you get ‘em you realize how great they are and you try to figure out how you went your entire life without the mobile or iPod? Great Sleep Partners are the same way. I’m still pissed I broke up with gf#2 because we were such great sleep partners… in fact that’s now my #1 ‘test’ when it comes to girls is how well do you sleep with me? #2 is do you get Field of Dreams…

- In fact let’s make a list (and yes I know Simmons did this years ago):
The Girlfriend Test:
#1) Sleeping Compatibility - not only do we not annoy each other at night, we’re also able to sleep comfortable with each other… almost as good as sleeping alone comfortable yet as a bonus you’re sleeping with someone you like. So therefore it’s a better night’s sleep. I’m telling you, I’m never going back to a bad sleeper… I don’t care if that means I’m single until I’m 42, I can wait. Great sleepers are like an iPod or good beer. Once you get a good European beer, you can never go back to Miller Lite. Not because Miller Lite isn’t good or doesn’t get the job done, but because Bell's Brewery is so great. Same thing with sleeping compatibility, once you find a good sleeper you’ll never go back.
#2) She has to like going to baseball games, this should be #1, but I’m too lazy to change it. Easily a deal braker.
#3) How does she respond to Field of Dreams? (And an honorable mention to High Fidelity here… I’m not sure she has to like it… but when I ask her “Was it a happy ending?” she has to give an intelligent response).
#4) Does she get fired up when I make fun of her home town/state and keep falling for it? (there’s nothing better than getting a girl all fired up about her hometown, it’s like your threatening to kill her pet or burn her baby book. High comedy there if done right).
#5) Is she willing to deal with my mood swings depending on how the White Sox are doing? And more importantly, will she be able to read those signs and act accordingly?
#6) Does she like to travel?
#7) She has to like to drink, but not too much. If she’s a sloppy drunk, “For a while it was nice/but it's time to say bye” (This rule actually came into play about a month ago…)
#8) She has to likes music, be willing to listen and give my music a chance, and brings something to the table musically (new bands and so on). (This is a new one, after dating girls who when I asked them who they liked and responded “Dave” or “the stuff the play at bars” I decided, you know what… if they don’t like Pete Doherty or at least appreciate Pete Doherty, it’s not worth it. I’m not kidding. I don’t think I could go through another relationship where she adds nothing from a music stand point and doesn’t see the greatness of “Never, Never”).
#9) How does she react when I send her things that Simmons wrote?
#10) Does she like to order out? And if so what does she order?
#11) What sort of books does she read? Does she read more than me? If you’re reading a book with Fabio on the cover… first shoot me, and secondly shoot yourself.
#12) Would Chuck Hagel hit on her?

I’ve mentioned it once, but for the story…. Back in the fall of 2003, we went to a taping of Meet the Press. The people at NBC make you get there early and then you have wait in this little lobby for like an hour for no good reason. I’m convinced that the Big Biz/The Man loves making people wait, moving on… as your waiting you see the guest walk right by you, if you wanted to you could trip them (I’m still sort of pissed that I didn’t try to trip one of these guys just to see what would have happened. Would I have been arrested? Declared a terrorist? Would I have made the Daily Show? Oh well…) anyway, so in walks Chuck Hagel and as he’s walking in, he slows down and eyes GF#1 sitting next to me. So that put a little hop in my step considering it was like 8:15am on a Sunday… in college. Anyway, so they’re taping the show and Chuck’s answering questions and doing Chuck Hagel things on TV. The show warps up and everyone is leaving to go home or to brunch or where these people go.

We’re in the parking lot when the Bobfather, being the Bobfather, decides to introduce himself to Chuck. GF#1 and I, still half asleep, walk over because that’s what you have to do with the Bobfather or else he’ll start waving you over like an overexcited soccer mom (maybe the Bobfather’s fatal flaw, his overexcited waving when he’s talking to someone). So there we are, in a parking lot in NW at the NBC studios and we all shake hands, nice to meet you, blah blah blah, when Chuck starts firing questions at GF#1… what do you do? What do you study? How is that? What are you going to do with that? Oh isn’t that that interesting… and when ever he can checks her out looking her up and down. Now, since I’m not the jealous type, I’m just giddy… Chuck Hagel is openly ignoring me and the Bobfather (who normally would get upset since he’s not getting the respect the Bobfather deserves, but he’s not from DC so meeting a Senator is a big deal to him… for me it’s gotten to the point where I have to prevent myself from punching Joe Liberman in the face as he walks into Tortilla Coast and I openly look for Rummy on the street just so I can ask him how many people he’s killed today).

BACK TO THE STORY, after like two minutes of this, Chuck has to go, so he leaves and I’m practically jumping up and down… “Chuck Hagel was hitting on you! And he was totally checking you out before!”
GF#1: “No he wasn’t.”
Me: “Yes! Yes! He was! I know! I’m a guy! That’s totally what he was doing! That’s so awesome!”
GF#1: “Was he really?”
Me: “Yeah! How great is that?!”
GF#1: “You’re the only person who’d be happy about another guy hitting on me.”
Me: “But it’s funny. I mean how funny is it that Chuck Hagel was hitting on you in the middle of the NBC parking lot?” And that’s when the Bobfather came back to within ear shot and we let it go for the moment. But nonetheless, GF#1 was in a good mood and happy with herself even though she tried not to show it. And I was happy because Chuck Hagel hit on her and if the girl is good enough for Chuck Hagel, she’s good enough for me.

That’s all for today.

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