16.9.08
Fantasy Football Retorical Question
When was Vernon Davis ever good? Did I miss that season? That game? Has there ever been a more hyped fantasy football player who did less?
12.9.08
Bad Idea Jeans
Guy #1: Hey, we've got our apartment. We ripped up the floors, pipes, wiring, and having everything completely redone.
Guy #2: You're renting, right?
Guy #1: Yeah.
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Guy #3: Well, he's an ex free-base addict, and he's trying to turn around, and he needs a place to stay for a couple of months.
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Guy #1: [ tosses bottle to Guy #2 ] Head's up!
Guy #4: Now that I have kids, I feel a lot better having a gun in the house.
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Guy #3: I thought about it, and even though it's over, I'm going to tell my wife about the afffair.
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Guy #5: I don't know the guy, but I've got two kidneys and he needs one, so I figured..
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Guy #2: Normally I wear protection, but then I thought, "When am I gonna make it back to Haiti?"
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
John McCain: I know I'm 72 years old and have had cancer, but I figure, when else am I going to run for President and be able to choose a woman whom I've met twice and has never met any world leader, has less than two years of experience managing anything other than a small town in the middle of no where, has the same policy positions of the most unpopular President since the Second World War, AND doesn't believe in dinosaurs to be my Vice President?
Guy #2: Did you at least vet her?
John McCain: Of course not!
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Announcer: Bad Idea Jeans.
[ shows a group of tough looking basketball players on the court ]
Guy #1: Hey, you guys ready? Let's bet these guys! A hundred bucks.. make that two hundred! Two hundred bucks!
[ fade to image on screen: BAD IDEA JEANS]
Guy #2: You're renting, right?
Guy #1: Yeah.
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Guy #3: Well, he's an ex free-base addict, and he's trying to turn around, and he needs a place to stay for a couple of months.
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Guy #1: [ tosses bottle to Guy #2 ] Head's up!
Guy #4: Now that I have kids, I feel a lot better having a gun in the house.
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Guy #3: I thought about it, and even though it's over, I'm going to tell my wife about the afffair.
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Guy #5: I don't know the guy, but I've got two kidneys and he needs one, so I figured..
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Guy #2: Normally I wear protection, but then I thought, "When am I gonna make it back to Haiti?"
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
John McCain: I know I'm 72 years old and have had cancer, but I figure, when else am I going to run for President and be able to choose a woman whom I've met twice and has never met any world leader, has less than two years of experience managing anything other than a small town in the middle of no where, has the same policy positions of the most unpopular President since the Second World War, AND doesn't believe in dinosaurs to be my Vice President?
Guy #2: Did you at least vet her?
John McCain: Of course not!
[ image on screen: BAD IDEA ]
Announcer: Bad Idea Jeans.
[ shows a group of tough looking basketball players on the court ]
Guy #1: Hey, you guys ready? Let's bet these guys! A hundred bucks.. make that two hundred! Two hundred bucks!
[ fade to image on screen: BAD IDEA JEANS]
8.9.08
I Don't Watch ESPN Enough
It was a big deal the moment James Brown interrupted the Jets/Fins game to tell us that Tom Brady had been hurt.
But non-stop coverage? Funeral like tone on the ESPN set? Majority of the time spent on Brady's injury which no one knew anything about?
When did Tom Brady become bigger than Brett Favre or T.O. over at ESPN? Hell, how many people actually care about Tom Brady? He's Tom Brady, that's it. I never knew he was so loved outside of New England that we had to pretty much stop broadcasting anything that had to do with baseball and cut all NFL coverage to 3% of what it normally is.
I like Tom Brady. I hope he gets better. But he's sort of bland... have you ever seen the guy interviewed? Not the most interesting of interviews. He doesn't even smile half the time. He was always just a guy who was pretty good and happened to win three Super Bowls. He was never a five star, stop the presses sort of athlete.
But ESPN is treating it as if he is Favre or T.O. I'm confused, that's all... because Brady was never a media whore like those other two. And therefore, I assume, most people's opinion of Brady was one of somewhat indifference (unless of course you are/were jealous of him).
I guess what I'm saying is that, I never thought of Tom Brady if he wasn't on the football field. And while the injury should be the #1 story... we've already reached Brady-overload. And at 1pm central we never in the world thought we'd feel that this story would be over-reported 24 hours later.
See, ESPN is tricky like that sometimes.
As for the Pats future for the rest of the year... check this out.
But non-stop coverage? Funeral like tone on the ESPN set? Majority of the time spent on Brady's injury which no one knew anything about?
When did Tom Brady become bigger than Brett Favre or T.O. over at ESPN? Hell, how many people actually care about Tom Brady? He's Tom Brady, that's it. I never knew he was so loved outside of New England that we had to pretty much stop broadcasting anything that had to do with baseball and cut all NFL coverage to 3% of what it normally is.
I like Tom Brady. I hope he gets better. But he's sort of bland... have you ever seen the guy interviewed? Not the most interesting of interviews. He doesn't even smile half the time. He was always just a guy who was pretty good and happened to win three Super Bowls. He was never a five star, stop the presses sort of athlete.
But ESPN is treating it as if he is Favre or T.O. I'm confused, that's all... because Brady was never a media whore like those other two. And therefore, I assume, most people's opinion of Brady was one of somewhat indifference (unless of course you are/were jealous of him).
I guess what I'm saying is that, I never thought of Tom Brady if he wasn't on the football field. And while the injury should be the #1 story... we've already reached Brady-overload. And at 1pm central we never in the world thought we'd feel that this story would be over-reported 24 hours later.
See, ESPN is tricky like that sometimes.
As for the Pats future for the rest of the year... check this out.
3.9.08
Your 2008 AFC!
We had so much fun spitting out our NFC predictions yesterday, we figured we do it again. But before we get to the AFC, can we just say one thing that's really annoying us? SportMediaHeads football predictions. Not the writers... but the Heads on TV. Is it against the law to pick New England, Indy, or even San Diego? What's up with this crazy picks? Mike and Mike choose two teams—Jacksonville and Pittsburgh, and then Mr. Hodge agreed with the Jax pick—that it was sort of like watching John McCain pick his vice president. In other words, it was obviously unobvious. You're trying to throw us off, but really you're only doing it to throw us off. Or something like that. It's just stupid. Anyway, our horrible picks:
East - The division is better than people think. Miami won't be good, but the Bills and Jets won't be bad.
1) Patriots - Too easy.
2) Bills - If Edwards improves this team could go 10-6 with their schedule.
3) Jets - Favre has had one good season in the last five years. He's old. And his greatest talent in the last ten years has to been to throw horrible interceptions (unless he's playing the Bears or Vikings).
4) Dolphins - Fish. Outta. Water.
North -
1) Steelers - Like a hard SAT question, process of elimination.
2) Browns - What if I were to tell you that Derek Anderson and Kurt Warrner were from the same planet. You'd believe me wouldn't you? But if I were to tell you that Scott Mitchell and Derek Anderson were from the same planet you'd believe me also? Well we're gonna find out which one Mr. Anderson is from this year!
3) Bengals - Has a team ever gone 4-12 and finished in 3rd?
4) Ravens - Rookie QB to start! Rookie QB to start! Offensive line not as good! Tough schedule! Run away!
South - Best division in the NFL and not as college footbally as the NFC South!
1) Colts - Sometimes I think Peyton Manning is still young. Sometimes I think he's been around my entire life. And sometimes I enjoy his commercials. Life is just like that... sometimes.
2) Jaguars - We're sort of rooting for them... personal reasons.
3) Titans - This is the year that Vince Young is asked by friends if he'd like to train and fight pitbulls. Mr. Young's decision will have more impact on the NFL than the collective bargaining agreement coming to an end.
4) Texans - Go away. No one likes you. Your name sucks. Your uniforms suck. Your city sucks. Just leave us alone. Move to L.A. Just go. Can you imagine a team ever calling themselves something like the New York New Yorkers? Or the Chicago Illinoise? The Texans make me want to throw up.
West - Was this division cooler in the 1960s, 1970s, or the 1980s?
1) Chargers - When are they going to go to the baby blues?
2) Raiders - Why not? When was the last time we had an NFL team with more "fuck it" potential? Sure the SexCannon Era was great because the "fuck it" potential was always there. But this team has a QB that can throw the ball a million yards, a rookie running back who is a Bo Jackson SI article waiting to happen, and a few wide outs that can run a bit. I'm excited. Plus the D is pretty good.
3) Broncos - Really? Do we have to keep pretending that they're good? Why can't we just admit that the Broncos haven't been good for a while now (save that lucky playoff game against the Patriots three years ago).
4) Chiefs - The favorites for the #1 pick in April. No QB. No O-line. No secondary. No wins.
Wild Card: Jaguars, Bills
First Round: Colts over Bills, Steelers over Jaguars
Round Two: Patriots over Steelers, Colts over Chargers
AFC Champions: Colts over Patriots
SUPER BOWL:
Colts over Seahawks
Don't ask me how that happened, but it just did. Wow.
East - The division is better than people think. Miami won't be good, but the Bills and Jets won't be bad.
1) Patriots - Too easy.
2) Bills - If Edwards improves this team could go 10-6 with their schedule.
3) Jets - Favre has had one good season in the last five years. He's old. And his greatest talent in the last ten years has to been to throw horrible interceptions (unless he's playing the Bears or Vikings).
4) Dolphins - Fish. Outta. Water.
North -
1) Steelers - Like a hard SAT question, process of elimination.
2) Browns - What if I were to tell you that Derek Anderson and Kurt Warrner were from the same planet. You'd believe me wouldn't you? But if I were to tell you that Scott Mitchell and Derek Anderson were from the same planet you'd believe me also? Well we're gonna find out which one Mr. Anderson is from this year!
3) Bengals - Has a team ever gone 4-12 and finished in 3rd?
4) Ravens - Rookie QB to start! Rookie QB to start! Offensive line not as good! Tough schedule! Run away!
South - Best division in the NFL and not as college footbally as the NFC South!
1) Colts - Sometimes I think Peyton Manning is still young. Sometimes I think he's been around my entire life. And sometimes I enjoy his commercials. Life is just like that... sometimes.
2) Jaguars - We're sort of rooting for them... personal reasons.
3) Titans - This is the year that Vince Young is asked by friends if he'd like to train and fight pitbulls. Mr. Young's decision will have more impact on the NFL than the collective bargaining agreement coming to an end.
4) Texans - Go away. No one likes you. Your name sucks. Your uniforms suck. Your city sucks. Just leave us alone. Move to L.A. Just go. Can you imagine a team ever calling themselves something like the New York New Yorkers? Or the Chicago Illinoise? The Texans make me want to throw up.
West - Was this division cooler in the 1960s, 1970s, or the 1980s?
1) Chargers - When are they going to go to the baby blues?
2) Raiders - Why not? When was the last time we had an NFL team with more "fuck it" potential? Sure the SexCannon Era was great because the "fuck it" potential was always there. But this team has a QB that can throw the ball a million yards, a rookie running back who is a Bo Jackson SI article waiting to happen, and a few wide outs that can run a bit. I'm excited. Plus the D is pretty good.
3) Broncos - Really? Do we have to keep pretending that they're good? Why can't we just admit that the Broncos haven't been good for a while now (save that lucky playoff game against the Patriots three years ago).
4) Chiefs - The favorites for the #1 pick in April. No QB. No O-line. No secondary. No wins.
Wild Card: Jaguars, Bills
First Round: Colts over Bills, Steelers over Jaguars
Round Two: Patriots over Steelers, Colts over Chargers
AFC Champions: Colts over Patriots
SUPER BOWL:
Colts over Seahawks
Don't ask me how that happened, but it just did. Wow.
2.9.08
NFC Picks
Ugh, another NFL season is upon us. We couldn't be more unexcited. Our boredom with the NFL was well documented... not sure where they are, but they're there somewhere. Therefore, let's make this clean and quick.
East - Hands down the most overrated division in the NFL. None of these teams are bad. But they're all flawed. All four teams will finish between 10-6 and 6-10... I could even see the winner being 9-7 and the 4th place team being 7-9.
1) Redskins - Who knows. Why not?
2) Cowboys - If they don't self-destruct I'll be shocked. Still too good not to be a playoff team.
3) Eagles - Pretty much I like the Redskins more than them. That's the only difference.
4) Giants - Too many injuries. Too many teams looking to take aim at them.
North - The worst division in football.
1) Bears - Again, why not? The schedule isn't killer. Toughest road game is the opener in Indy. After that they could beat anyone they play on the road.
2) Vikings - Schedule is pretty tough. And they're one injury from being not so good.
3) Packers - I like Aaron Rodgers the first time when he was in Detroit and we called him Joey Harrington.
4) Lions - They're horrible. As always. What's amazing is that they're not even close to being the worst NFL franchise of all time.
South - The division that no one cares about because college football is bigger there!
1) Saints (LSU) - Easy schedule! Great offense!
2) Buccaneers (Florida/Florida State) - Really? Can't we do better?
3) Panthers (Clemson/South Carolina/even UNC!) - A disappointing season waiting to happen for the fourth year in a row!
4) Falcons (Georgia) - Ha.
West - What's the difference between the NFC West and the AL West? Somewhat non-descriptive, yet intriguing.
1) Seahawks - It's getting to the point where it's death, taxes, USC winning the Pac-10, and the Seahawks winning the West. Remember when they were in the AFC?
2) Rams - They can't be worse.
3) 49ers - I love the "Wanna grab a burger at J.R. O'Sullivan's" joke.
4) Cardinals - The worst franchise in the NFL! I would love it if Brady was traded to the Cardinals and then all of a sudden started throwing picks like Favre.
Wild Card Teams: Cowboys, Buccaneers
First Round: Cowboys over Bears, Redskins over Buccaneers
Second Round: Seahawks over Redskins, Saints over Cowboys
NFC Champs: Seattle Seahawks
We have 1% confidence in these picks. The NFC is a friggin' mess. It's like the NBA East only worse. Amazing.
East - Hands down the most overrated division in the NFL. None of these teams are bad. But they're all flawed. All four teams will finish between 10-6 and 6-10... I could even see the winner being 9-7 and the 4th place team being 7-9.
1) Redskins - Who knows. Why not?
2) Cowboys - If they don't self-destruct I'll be shocked. Still too good not to be a playoff team.
3) Eagles - Pretty much I like the Redskins more than them. That's the only difference.
4) Giants - Too many injuries. Too many teams looking to take aim at them.
North - The worst division in football.
1) Bears - Again, why not? The schedule isn't killer. Toughest road game is the opener in Indy. After that they could beat anyone they play on the road.
2) Vikings - Schedule is pretty tough. And they're one injury from being not so good.
3) Packers - I like Aaron Rodgers the first time when he was in Detroit and we called him Joey Harrington.
4) Lions - They're horrible. As always. What's amazing is that they're not even close to being the worst NFL franchise of all time.
South - The division that no one cares about because college football is bigger there!
1) Saints (LSU) - Easy schedule! Great offense!
2) Buccaneers (Florida/Florida State) - Really? Can't we do better?
3) Panthers (Clemson/South Carolina/even UNC!) - A disappointing season waiting to happen for the fourth year in a row!
4) Falcons (Georgia) - Ha.
West - What's the difference between the NFC West and the AL West? Somewhat non-descriptive, yet intriguing.
1) Seahawks - It's getting to the point where it's death, taxes, USC winning the Pac-10, and the Seahawks winning the West. Remember when they were in the AFC?
2) Rams - They can't be worse.
3) 49ers - I love the "Wanna grab a burger at J.R. O'Sullivan's" joke.
4) Cardinals - The worst franchise in the NFL! I would love it if Brady was traded to the Cardinals and then all of a sudden started throwing picks like Favre.
Wild Card Teams: Cowboys, Buccaneers
First Round: Cowboys over Bears, Redskins over Buccaneers
Second Round: Seahawks over Redskins, Saints over Cowboys
NFC Champs: Seattle Seahawks
We have 1% confidence in these picks. The NFC is a friggin' mess. It's like the NBA East only worse. Amazing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)